The Heart Is A Muscle

Heart Chronicles # 1

You may recall that I mentioned we have about 7,000 thoughts a day. Now that I am facing some health concerns I was not aware of in 2023, my brain is spinning into another galaxy and I feel as if those thoughts have doubled.

Being hit with the news that major surgery is in your future is not what I expected when I felt that 2024 was going to be a momentous year. Digesting such news and taking control of your health at 66 is probably pretty common as a human being. In my 66 years, I have been generally healthy with a very good level of exercise and a decent diet.

My faults with food revolved around butter, cheese and alcohol. I was a vegetarian and macrobiotic for over 25 years until I decided I would go back to being an omnivore. I dabbled with illegal substances but was never addicted to anything except for a daily pot habit in my teens and 20s.

My lover thought I should go in for a skin check. This would be my first annual skin check in 66 years and I signed up to see a new GP so I had one here in Naarm. Dr. Sharon had me stripped down to my undies and he inspected my skin and I asked him about one discolouration on my mug.

I passed the skin check with flying colours.

As a good GP would do, he asked if he could check my blood pressure. BP was normal but he said you have quite a heart murmur.

“Yeah, I have had that for years and the last time I saw anyone about my heart, about 8 years ago, they told me I had moderate Aortic Stenosis. It runs in the family”, I said.

He thought I should have an echocardiogram so I booked that in just after Christmas. The results came in and as I sat on the beach at Jervis Bay with Nello I took a call from my GP to discuss the results. He told me I had moderate to severe Aortic Stenosis and sent me a referral to a cardiac surgeon.

A surgeon? What the …..fuck.

My gal Tina decided to get me to a Cardiac Interventionist and I got to see Professor Ron Dick on 27 Feb 2024. I liked his bedside manner and he was easygoing and to the point.

My problem was not moderate to severe he felt it was severe.

His advice was that something should be done within a month or so.
Fuck that, I have tickets to see Wilco and Tedeschi Trucks Band over the next 6 weeks. My heart needs to be filled with music before anything is done.

But before I can make a decision, Thursday the 7th of March I need to have a cardio angiogram. This will be another first in my life.

I am so thrilled.

The bottom line is they will get a better look at my anatomy and see if anything else needs to be done besides replacing my aortic valve.

Those words are like the scariest words I have heard about my health.

Ever.

I have almost died as a 10-year-old, but I did not see that coming and have no memory except waking up in an oxygen tent the next morning.

That is another tale. To this day I still thank my brother and Dad for hearing me struggling to breathe and calling the ambos and cops.

We talked about symptoms and I have none. He said the problem with being asymptomatic is that you could over-exert yourself one day and it would be too much and BOOM you have a heart attack. So, this is why we have to move ahead with this fairly fast in the scheme of my life.

0-60 MPH in a very short period.

Mortality.

Fear.

Loss of my good friend Tony after open heart surgery a couple of years ago.

Loss of my Mom when I was 17 and my Dad when I was 24.

The image of my sternum being split open like a coconut.

Not seeing the love and joy of life in the eyes and hugs of my children if anything goes wrong.

Not being wrapped in my lover’s arms again.

Simply, facing mortality because of major surgery.

Rollercoaster time.

I have many people around me who love me and send me caring thoughts and optimism. I am holding onto the optimism and the belief that modern medicine is good at repairing the mechanical stuff in our bodies. I know that cardiac surgery has come a very long way in the last 100 years.

Most of all I appreciate the love and support.

I am still scared. But we will know more once we get the cardiac angiogram tomorrow. The dye in my bloodstream will let them take some pretty pictures.

Funny story, last night we sat down for a quick meal before Yothu Yindi and Tina and I both heard someone at the next table say: “She was fine but when she went in for the angiogram she had a bad reaction to the dye”. Our eyebrows went up and we laughed a bit.

So it will tell me if any of my other arteries are blocked. I feel pretty good that they will be fine, but I felt fine before this diagnosis, so who knows what lurks in the heart of Paul Busch. Maybe there will be a stent in my body by tomorrow evening?

I am not going to fall into a depression and I will try my best not to make stupid jokes about dying but any of you who know me understand that my humour is kind of black at times. The jokes are my way of dealing with the seriousness of this valve nonsense.

There will be more updates and each update will be accompanied by the art I have found in the streets. Let me share some man-made outdoor stuff with you and maybe just some natural art.

I want to continue seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, loving, touching everything.

Life is beautiful and I want more and will do all I need to do to make that happen.

But shit, every ache and pain now, anything I feel, there is no rest from thinking about the future that is going to hit me right in the damn chest.

That is something I need to work on so I do not wear myself out. Although I know this is normal human behaviour and reaction to possibly the most serious surgery and organ you can have operated on.

It may only be a muscle, but it is one I love and love with.