Psychonauts and Changa
OK, this is different....
Foreword-Whatever your understanding about psychedelics and plant medicine, I want you to know this is not a scientific peer-reviewed study. This multi-part tale is a biographic moment of my life that was enlightening and illuminating. My need to re-visit these moments is part of my continual integration of these experiences and how they positively impacted me. Even as I write these stories, I continue to learn. I hope you enjoy them. Any questions? Let me know in the comments or feel free to chat with me in any way you like. Take care in all you do.
Many people in the Wattle Tree Garden, a Facebook Group of psychonauts, self-appointed shaman and healers, interested parties, plant medicine enthusiasts (and probably one or 2 narcs)) expressed interest in how Joe and I had experimented with the molecule. We had been told most people first experienced DMT by smoking it. We had gone deep by brewing 30-40 grams of dried phyllodes each and discovered how far we could go by swallowing that brown-purple bruised drink. We drank it numerous times.
We had seen some things as we left this galaxy for places unknown.
My mouth and mind wanted to tell everyone about what I had experienced. I did not want to talk about the wild visions or hallucinations of soul singers in the sky I saw. I found myself talking about how I felt and how my emotions had been impacted. I discovered and experienced such a rush of serotonin that stayed with me for many weeks after drinking the brew that made the journey worth every swallow.
Of course, some people probably got sick of me talking about it and I overshared with some who did not need to know. I think I damaged my relationship with my son and his wife because they had no point of reference to what they thought was craziness. I wish I could take back some of that conversation shared at a steak house in Manly.
There were talks with other friends of mine who were interested in taking part and us having a group session. There were to be a couple of meetings to discuss this with possible attendees and vet the field for the plant session. We had a duty of care, and we knew we needed to assess their medical history, mental status,s and whether or not they appeared able to climb this mountain.
Set and setting, man.
Meanwhile, Joe and I were playing with the theme park, roller coaster ride of inhaling DMT. Initially, I was taking one smallish hit and seeing where it would take me. It was trippy and gentle, so I upped the size of the one hit soon after.
Now I was onto something. During this dosage, I found myself entering a similar space each time I smoked. Mind you this was not an everyday occurrence, it took a little bit of courage to enter into this world. So let me explain what went on.
After I exhaled, I closed my eyes, and there were visions of brightly coloured geometric shapes, rounded shapes, and brightly coloured objects that moved a bit like a lava lamp but not as blobby. These shapes started to move very fast, almost flashing in my mind's eye, and I found it a bit too busy at times.
Slow the hell down, I thought. I was almost getting dizzy.
On the third day, I tried it again, and there were those shapes. But something was just out of my sight, sort of just around the corner, giving me the idea of a bright light. I could not get myself to make it to that light.
Eventually, I was able to move towards the light and I saw it was a window. Outside the window was a beautiful blue sky, no clouds, and bright sunshine. I knew part of my journey was to get down to that window and maybe even move through it.
How do I work this?
The very busy geometric shapes were always the way these little journeys started for me. On the day I took this hit, they began to group and move and vibrate and shuffle and I sighed and said aloud, “I have seen this every time and I am tired of this experience.”
That may have been my words or I may just have said, “Fuck off will ya”.
Lo and behold that worked and I never saw those fast-moving images again. I had inadvertently learned that I did have some control over what felt like a strong uncontrollable feeling. I was making progress as the window that was slightly open with the blue sky and sun seemed much closer. I could almost feel a breeze coming in that window. It gave me a feeling of hope. Not hope within the experience of the altered state, but hope within the life I was living and would live.
You know, always look on the bright side….of life.
There was going to be more testing of this wild carnival ride as we progressed to the holy grail of three hits.
Meanwhile, I had been talking to some people about drinking the plant and we met in a park one sunny NSW holiday to drink a few beers, eat some snacks and discuss what we might do. There was a couple and 2 women. One of the woman had studied Shiatsu with me and was my regular Shiatsu therapist. The couple were from the lower North Shore and Rob was an engineer of sorts and his partner was a yoga teacher.
The other woman, let’s call her Mavis, was a 30-something woman of Asian background. Mavis had showed up after the other 3 and when she arrived I noticed a shift in the light and eager mood of the day. The weather was still bright and sunny….
Mavis was interested in taking part in our future session but I was not getting a level vibe from her. She seemed a bit fucked up on something and I could not put my finger on it. We were all relaxing in the sun after snacks a beer or 2 and a couple of hits on a joint. Mavis positioned herself on the opposite side of the circle and asked me questions about acacia.
While Mavis talked to me, sitting in a flowing skirt and tank top, she uncrossed her legs from the cross-legged position she had been sitting in. She moved her skirt around, opened her legs, and gave me the full frontal of her vagina. I was hoping she would re-adjust herself but she did not and she kept asking questions while I kept my eyes locked on hers. Her eyes, that is!
Now, at this stage, I had been single and celibate for about 6 months. I found this suggestive move on her behalf to be titillating but I also found it totally out of character for the discussion that we were having. I averted my eyes and we all kept conversing.
About 30 minutes later, Mavis decided it was all too hot out in the sun. She did not ask if we could move to the shade. We were surrounded by other groups of families and friends enjoying the warmth of a sunny holiday. The heat had become too much for Mavis though. She rolled to her left, stood up, and removed her skirt. Seconds later she had thrown all caution to the wind and removed her singlet. Rushcutters Bay Park was not quite ready for a naked woman in the park twirling around. It was mid-afternoon.
People were looking. You could feel the eyes and the judgement , especially with some people with kids. The naked human form is a beautiful thing but not here. I am no prude but we had been smoking a joint and who knew who would call who to deal with this?
“Mavis, I think you should put your clothes on. Don’t you have an AVO (Apprehended violence order) out against you? You probably don’t want the police called,” said my Shiatsu friend.
My brain went into a spasm thinking that this woman already has legal issues and where is this going? Sweet baby Jesus. I stood up, handed Mavis her singlet and skirt, and advised her to get dressed. We don’t need this hassle. Mavis twirled and did some yoga stretches before demurring and covering her naked self.
Things settled down and the sun began to get lower in the sky. We set up a WhatsApp group to discuss future plant plans. Everyone left but Mavis and I so I helped clean up our trash and I was ready to go. Mavis wanted to keep talking and she told me all sorts of tales of drug usage and her personal life and I had already made up my mind that this woman could not drink with us. As Mavis was a friend of the other people involved, I did not know if her behavior was ‘normal’ for her and if they would still want her along.
She also told me a story about the first time she did LSD when she was on ICE. I reached out and hugged her and said, “So, that turned out to be a very bad idea?”
She said, “Yes, it was a very bad idea.”
I found out soon enough the others did not want her involved so we removed her from our communications. She reached out to me once in awhile asking to purchase DMT but I told her that was something I knew nothing about.
A few weeks later we had organised our session to take place in a beautiful home in Mosman where one of the group ran some yoga classes. It was the perfect spot and there were to be 3 people drinking (plus myself) and Joe would assist with facilitating on the the evening.
I was able to move and stay at the house in Mosman the night before and I made myself at home with some Thai takeaway. There were a couple of younger Bush Doof-EDM producers also there that night and we hung out for a while. We traded stories, they showed me some of their fabulous work online and after a while they drifted off to their rooms.
During my stressful times, like when a marriage breaks down or I get a flat tire,I turn to nicotine. I went outside to smoke a cigarette in the cool evening air. My thoughts were busy with the plans for the next day. Some wonderful human had sent us some changa made from mimosa hostilis, something we had not tried yet. Since we might be introducing some of the attendees to it tomorrow, I thought I should give it a small test run.
Thinking back on that moment, as I sat there with no socks on, some light cotton pants and a t-shirt, i am very glad I only decided to have a small taste. I finished my death smoke and loaded the pipe with the changa. Lighting the bowl, I inhaled the one hit deeply and held it. And held it. And held it.
Whooooooooooosh! I exhaled. It was dark outside and there was no moon so I was staring off into the bush and all of a sudden shadows came rushing at me. They seemed a bit menacing, yet not scary, and I was taken aback at this sensation. There were no bright colours or geometric shapes like the other changa I had smoked.
I felt the cool, my body temperature was lowered due to the molecule, and I thought I should go inside and lie on my bed. Now, the kitchen was between me and the bedroom I needed to get to. I would say it was no more than 20 feet to my bedroom.
I turned to look at the kitchen and the damn room was like a tilting funhouse. It was moving and shaking and yes, it was tilted. My biggest concern now was how I was going to get up and get through that room and onto my bed. As things were moving faster and faster I decided to launch myself into the unknown and see what would happen if I moved towards my room.
Somehow, I got through the dangers of the psychedelic kitchen and landed on the bed. This was not like anything I had done before.I looked up from the bed at this brown and white tapestry on the wall that was in full movement. The white shapes were spinning and mandala-like geometric patterns were nonstop. I was mesmerised and could not take my eyes off this wildness.
I had no idea how long this had been going on but I got to a time where I thought, “Is this ever going to stop?”
The spinning did not slow down but eventually it stopped as if someone had flicked a switch and I was left with a feeling of amazement and awe. I was a bit out of breath and I think I said “wow” any number of times.
One thing was certain if anyone was going to take part in smoking this item tomorrow I knew for sure that it worked and had a good idea of dosage level now.
In my next installment, I will share some tales from our group facilitations, meeting more people from the plant community and our lead-up to a plant medicine conference called Rebel Herbal to be held just outside of (where else?)….Nimbin.
And of course the 3 hits….
This little talk by Mckenna is worth a listen to understand why people go here with this stuff….really, have a listen. The real message is the primacy of direct experience.
Don’t miss this little snippet of TM….it will give you some very good insight into society and this molecule.