Prologue To The Descent
An Introduction To My Journey
I've been walking for a long time
I think I've seen you before
And I'll see you again
We're not gonna slow down
There's a place where you live
And a place where you grow
This is your lifestyle
You can be what you wanna be
You can do what you wanna do
Feel that cool breeze on your face again
Feel the rain on your hair
Running back to you, running back to you
The sun goes down in the distance
I wish that you could see this
That I'm lost in the city
Getting lost in the city
-Get Me Out-King Stingray (Kellaway/ Yunupingu)
You don’t end up in a self-defined 25-foot circle for 3 nights alone (and without food) in the stunning Massachusetts wilderness without some sort of previous experience.
I am not talking about wilderness experience.
The decisions and changes encountered over the last 3.5 years brought me to that spot in the Berkshires in September of 2022.
With hindsight, it is all the living and love and experiences of a lifetime that brought me there.
Prologue To A Vision Quest 2022
The marriage of my son Zac to his wife Tiffany was the commencement of their walking down the road together. It was a joyous wedding. Late 2018 was a time to celebrate and also a time to break it all down.
There was trouble brewing in the henhouse. Like a mixed metaphor. My marriage was at the end of the road. This had been a process that in retrospect felt like paint being peeled from my psyche. It also felt like some sort of torture for my soul and my heart. Angst. Waiting for the axe to fall and when it did fall it was not sharp enough to make a clean break.
To be expected.
There were many pieces to work through after 16 years together. But it was truly over this time. The 6 children we had helped each other raise and our communion as a couple was to be definitively altered.
A couple of things truly saved me and aided the healing process. Firstly, I moved out of our family house and became a gypsy. Instead of finding a home to live in, I became a house sitter. Many lessons were learned; many things were let go of. From minimalizing my belongings to mixing up my routine to allowing myself this freedom. I found some parts of myself that had been covered in dust.
It allowed me to work through grief and understand that all things pass.
The time needed to tick-tock along and being in a state of movement physically gave me a new way to look at how life moves.
Plant medicine, in particular the acacia, gave me some beautiful insight and deep healing from this trauma. Not only was I able to purge some of my deepest pains, but I was given a release from any anxiety or stress.
This was a blessing.
I found myself involved with the Plant Community, as I call it, and the conversations and knowledge, and friends I have met have added immense value to my life. My gratitude is immense.
These were some of the doors that opened to me when others were closing behind me.
In October of 2019, I found myself attending a symposium in Uki, New South Wales (near Nimbim, of course!) entitled Rebel Herbal. This gathering brought together people such as James Jesso, Monica Gagliano, Julian Palmer, John Seed, and others to share their knowledge and insights.
From the 24 black cockatoos that flew overhead on my way to Uki, the daily visits of the same bird, a black cockatoo inked on the arm of a young woman I facilitated, and the lone Black one that looked over me and another soul I assisted in a smoking ceremony, well, I felt these visitations were positive omens.
Or maybe it was just going to rain?
My love of birds simply goes back to the love my mother had for these animals with wings. She was filled with love on many levels, but she started the whole bird-watching and identification thing for me as a child. Blue Jays and cardinals and others hung out in our yard eating seed from the feeder. We huddled near the window watching and moving gently so as not to scare them off.
On an energetic level, the black cockatoo represents the power of spirit coming into your life. They fill me with joy and gratitude and laughter whenever I see them.
In short, they can signify boundless joy, empowerment, happiness, and contentment.
I hold onto this energy and hope these birds continue to appear to show me the way and find the light to get me through a cloudy day. Let their light shine on.
There was one other moment on this trip to the Northern Rivers 3 years ago that has to be included in this prelude. After leaving the hills I headed into Byron Bay for some sunshine and some surf. I walked into a bookshop. This book drew me to it (pictured) and I opened to a page.
It was a book called Soulcraft: Crossing Into The Mysteries of Nature and Psyche written by Bill Plotkin.
I opened the book and under the heading “Prologue To The Descent” these words hit me like a bolt of lightning.
“The call to adventure is the prologue to the journey of descent. The call comes when it is time to inherit a greater life. This is both a crisis and an unsurpassed opportunity. The old way of life has been outgrown. The time has arrived to step over a threshold into a whole new way of being.
Whether it be a midlife crisis, a terrible calamity, or you had the great fortune to find a guide or an elder who understood the necessity and joy of the soulful descent, this is the soul appearing on the scene with an attitude and a comment on the course of your life. Whatever allows you to hear the call. You find your nose suddenly pressed up with the existential questions you had been successfully avoiding: What is my life about anyway? For what do I live?” (excerpt)
These words were calling out to me like a neon sign on an empty highway.
The door is open, come on in.
*****************************************************************************
Either you will
Go through this door
Or you will not go through
If you go through
There is always the risk
Of remembering your name
Things look at you doubly
And you must look back
And let them happen
If you do not go through
It is possible
To live worthily
To maintain your attitudes
To hold your position
To die bravely
But much will blind you
Much will evade you
At what cost who knows?
The door itself
Makes no promises
It is only a door -Adrienne Rich
This book remained with me as I moved from home to home, town to town, in a bag or near my bed. I read it slowly. My foot was placed firmly in the doorway to keep the door ajar
Part II coming soon. The Vision Quest.
