Post-Birthday Solar Eclipse New Moon Blues
Hey, What's A Matter Here?
Stalled before flight.
Jammed up.
Words have not been flowing these past weeks. Many of them are stuck in my head.
The racing in my noggin. Aching in my heart. Blood in my veins.
From the Full Moon near my birthday to the New Moon and the solar eclipse 2 days ago, the celestial pull may be affecting me. Intellectually, I cannot put it all together. There is a mix of excitement and tension. I feel as if an earthquake just occurred and I am trying to find how my feet work again.
Balance.
“Tall buildings shake / Voices escape / Singing sad, sad songs” -Jeff Tweedy/Jay Bennett
Yeah, each star is a setting sun.
Sometimes I feel alone within my days. There is not enough conversation of the deep and meaningful kind. This may be an unintentional calm before the deluge. Wet weather gear may be needed in the coming months. Yes, mortality is peaking around doorways and sometimes calling me over for a chat.
Ssssssh, can we talk later?
My mind is drifting to my family and my history within it. There is a strong need to draw them close, to hold them, to be in a space where we can all find love and care. This is what is driving me right now, but I still feel wobbly.
My estranged brother, who I love dearly, has to have two valves replaced with Open Heart Surgery in the next 6 weeks. He is only hours away (in Canberra), but I am not welcome. My sister-in-law could use some help. He could use a bang on the ear and some brotherly love. But I feel that I will never see him again while he is breathing. I don’t like the way that fits at all. Jay, what is this worth?
Meanwhile, some very good friends of mine have offered me their house in Sydney for a month. They know of my house-sitting skills, and they understand my disconnect from my former life and home in Sydney. The biggest part of that is not seeing my children very often. Does geography make me a bad Dad?
COVID drove me here; love kept me here.
All of my children will be in Sydney when I am there. I look forward to being in their orbit, cooking for them, and just having a chance to hug them. The splinter in my shoe there is that I have one son whom I am estranged from. It’s sadness or euphoria at the moment.
Hold onto the joy. I try. Being sick with the lurgy since the Full Moon has also slowed me down. The damn cough was tiring. But, just a bug.
After my time in Sydney, I depart for San Francisco (with no flowers in my hair) to celebrate 70 years of Nello, my blues brother from another Mother. The only person in Australia who understands what Too Much Fun means. Yes, this is a musical reference that could have furthur meaning.
https://open.qobuz.com/playlist/68667203 This is the QOBUZ Link
From West to East, I travel to bring some light, joy and energy to my family in New York. My sister is a beautiful woman, and it’s been 4 years since I hugged her. Rick, her husband, is a wonderful man and like a brother to me. I know in my soul that I need to be with them at this moment. My brother-in-law is dealing with Parkinson’s, and I feel the pull.
My brother Bob, who has had his own heart issues (all of us Busch kids have), will be there, in our old family home, and he has opened the door for me there. My heart is thankful.
My arrival into Australia in 1984 found me discovering music of the new continent I now inhabited. Paul Kelly was soon on my radar and has been there ever since. He’s the Dylan of Australia, a fabulous poet, and a damn fine muso.
Kelly’s music has been the soundtrack of my time here in Australia. He’s playing a pub show in Sydney when I am there. It’s a competition to get into that show…so my fingers are crossed as I am in the running. Fingers and toes.
Here I go….from St. Kilda to Kings Cross and eastward bound.
