Pain Mismanagement
Recovery Continues and Drug Tales
My right eye is battling with my left eye to stay open. It is fun because I am not driving anything but a keyboard. I am not hitting the right keys either. But we have the technology to fix my mishits a little bit later.
Slow-release and quick-release opioids are causing me to nod off. For 36 hours or so I decided to cease them because of how they slowed down my bowels. I discovered at 2 AM last night my pain was not being managed properly. I see no reason to tough it out at this stage.
Incision pain is not that bad it is more about the shoulders, neck, and back because I am not allowed to stretch or move like I normally would. Normal for me would be bouncing around the house, going out, walking, moving, and moving.
I should enjoy this wee rest. How often do you just get to sit around? Sitting around in pain and in a fog is not resting. It’s not fun.
There are so many grammar and spelling mistakes in these few paragraphs that it makes me laugh. I have had a few ideas about pieces since I have been home, but my brain is still foggy and doing research I find a bit exhausting after a few minutes. My blood is going to other places that it needs to go first.
The warfarin is keeping me from clotting up, the furosemide is reducing the fluid collected at Epworth Hospital. I was 97 kilos (213.00 lbs) before surgery and was 103 kilos (226 lbs) at my all-time fluid high. My ankles and belly bloated and I was looking good. Not that I cared, I was fucked up.
I was alive so I was not so vain, I did not think any songs were about me.
Today, I am at 96 kilos (211 lbs) and falling, hoping to get below 90 Kilos (198 lbs) over the next few weeks. No dieting but I am eating smaller meals to assist my digestion etc. That’s the weight plan.
I am so stoned and I know this is boring.
Been finding messages on my phone I missed, so if you have called or messaged me and I missed it I was unconscious or exceedingly high on professional narcotics. I can understand why people would like this style of medication, but it would get in my way of moving through life. Couches and benches and the floor would be where I would find myself as my eyes cross over. The printer chugs along next to me. Is it the printer or an animal?
It is now the 21st of May and I have just gone back to the slow-release Tapentadol and not the instant gratification of breakthrough pain pills. In 2 days, I ingested 6 of the breakthrough pain tablets along with the 2 x 12-hour time release prescribed to me.
My Monday was awful. I was even a cunt to myself. I apologised profusely to Tina for my grunts and moans and short, tight answers to any questions. Yes, it was the drugs.
But you know, that is never an excuse. Never.
Tuesday is here and the day is grey, but I feel sunlight in my body again. Pain exists but it is managed.
Have you ever been addicted to opioids? Not me. Funny coincidence I turned on the TV and Imperfect-The Roy Halladay Story was showing at 1 AM. Roy was a major league pitcher who was truly one of the most amazing pitchers of his generation. A perfect game during the season and a no-hitter in a postseason game. Only two post-season games have had no-hitters. Pretty special if you know your baseball.
In short, Roy popped his back a little later in his career, started dropping pills and became an addict. He retired, began flying planes more often, and crashed when he was 40 in 2017. His toxicological report showed he was flying altered when he crashed near New Port Richey, Florida.
Back in college, I met this sweet Italian girl Pat from New York, and some friends of hers whom I hung out with a bit. We got stoned and we hitched a couple of times together between Plattsburgh and NYC. Three hundred Miles is a straight 6-hour drive if you have a car. Hitching, well you roll the dice. And there was a lot of snow and ice.
I recall one hitch down Pat said to me, “Oh, Jesus, I have this cocaine and we really should not be hitching with this.” The New York State Troopers were always on our ass.
She was not keen on buzzing down the highway, so I snorted one for the team. Take me home country roads. I was not lazy. You had some pumped-up long hair in a long military coat holding a sign that said NYC waving it as cars whooshed by. I let Pat take the sign while I chased squirrels. They always stopped for the girls.
Pat and I and a few others hung around a bit up in the arctic reaches of Northern New York State. Some of her friends were into heroin and one night they introduced me to the horse and up my nose it went. The others were doing some injecting, but I just watched and felt a bit of a warm buzz from the nasal route.
Found myself in another off-campus house one Friday night and I decided to join the party and take a hit. They tied me off and hit me up and I put my head back onto a pillow on the couch. Warmth spread all over my body and I floated gently as it snowed like crazy outdoors. It was cruisy and interesting. You know though, I am not one to lay around and watch the world go by. I like action.
Looking back, I could have been a good candidate for that type of addiction as it would have buried the trauma of my Mom dying months before. There was much pain still in my system that needed to be exorcised. I decided by the next day that that was not going to be my trip. Over the next few weeks, I disengaged with that group of people as they slid further into their drug of choice. I hope they made it through.
My drug use at 66 has declined significantly as I take care of my body. The recovery rate is not as good as 20, 30, or 40! Big pharma has only entered my body a few times in my life and it is usually for dentistry or surgery or antibiotics. I have no daily prescriptions.
I always reached for something that would amplify the good times I was having. In some other psychedelic tales, I will tell you how I came to grips with set and setting and how I quickly understood that mood influenced the molecule
Fo r the next few weeks, I will deal with what pain I am facing and get through this. Just watch the dosage, Mister Busch. Even at 66 you still learn some lessons. That is a rule of life, just keep learning.
Meanwhile, my GP has given me these for pain and they are not used like toothpaste. Nil by mouth for these little bullets!
