My Vision Quest September 2022

Jumping Through Doorways

“Life and the planet are going to continue to throw curve balls, so I have to keep swinging”-Paul Busch

As I mentioned in my previous post about the lead-up to this Vision Quest, the door to my soul and heart had been held ajar for almost 3 years.

You can read that here if you would like to before proceeding.

Prologue To The Descent

As a housesitting gypsy and being on my own, I was getting emotionally stronger. That lack of ‘sound’ was a double-edged sword. It left me alone with my thoughts and I missed the sound of my children coming and going. I missed the sex. At times I longed for the companionship of another but soon realised that this was a period of time I had to travel alone.

Travel? Should I go to Peru and do some work and learn more about plants? It was a tempting idea but finances and the idea of a huge upheaval at this time in 2018-9felt like I was running away.

Life was not always easy. One of my kids was still and is still not speaking to me. These are the trials of being an adult and a father. I hope you never have this one visit you.

I lost a dear friend, Tizza, who fell and hit his head at the age of 56. This occurred the day before we were to do what we did best, go to see a concert. I attended Nick Lowe in his memory.

I decided that my next travel would be to visit family and friends in America. I figured that might take place in 2020.

In February 2020, we gathered for a celebration of the life of my mate Tizza. In attendance were many hundreds of people who were also touched by his laughter, love, and wit. We drank, cried, danced, and hugged.

This was the last gathering of that size many of us would attend for some time as the pandemic took hold not soon after. Fortunately, no one at that gathering had been infected yet, otherwise, you would have read about us all.

The world had turned upside down. Musing, I thought this was going to be a spark to influence the way most of humanity globally looked at the way we lived together. I think I was dreaming.

In March, on one of the last Virgin flights out of Australia I sent my daughter Freya back to her adopted home in California. Little did we know it would be over 2 years until we hugged again.

Moving to Melbourne on Anzac Day weekend in April of 2020, I arrived just prior to some heavy restrictions coming into place. Restrictions came and went for 2 years, and we had about 7 lockdowns in Victoria alone. I had many hours to ruminate on my travel plans.

As Bob Dylan sang, “Pack up your money, pull up your tent, you ain’t going nowhere”.

I had many months to ruminate on my planned travel to America. Fortunately, beauty and companionship entered my life unexpectedly in July 2020. Sparkles, otherwise known as Tina, came into my life with an explosion of love.

So, another long preamble, but stories are like that sometimes, so maybe get yourself a coffee for the rest?

In February of 2022, life was getting back on track, Covid started to feel more like an annoyance, and I was making plans to travel to America in June of 2022.

Then I came upon this podcast.

Bill Pfeiffer, AKA as Sky Otter, was speaking to a very astute young man called James Jesso. You should check out more of his podcasts, they are educational and enlightening, and easy to digest.

This chat with Sky about the planet and humanity struck a chord with me. I sat and wrote a 2-page email to a stranger in Vermont. He replied within a day, and we connected. We made plans to Zoom while I was in America and maybe I would visit him in Vermont.

I would go with the flow.

June came around quickly, and I found myself back in the USA. It had been 5 years since I had visited, and it was the first time in decades I could travel for an extended period of time. There was to be music and places and checking out what was happening socially and politically firsthand. That is an entire story in itself.

There was all of that, but the journey back was to see family and friends. There was a list, and I was able to commune with many on that list. I got to hug everyone so that I could get my paws on. It commenced with my darling daughter Freya in Humboldt and ended in California saying farewell to my old friend Eddie once again.

Sigh.

Along the way, I got wind of an announcement that Sky was to do a Vision Quest in Massachusetts in September. I was bummed as my trip was due to end in early September and I thought that I could not extend my visit. I messaged Sky and told him this and he told me to crawl into a hole in nature somewhere and work it out.

Laughter came out of my cakehole and a few hours later I sent my deposit off for the Quest.

One of my mantras to myself on this journey was to say “Yes!” as often as I could. Boom!

The coordination and the gathering of gear and planning all seemed to flow without any stress. My dear friend Diane and her husband Peter in Northampton helped me with getting to the site and with camping gear I did not need to schlep on a train from NYC. It was wonderful to spend that time with them both.

Most of us arrived a night early for our Quest. There was a level of calmness but there was also a certain ingredient of apprehension. I said to Sky, “I have that feeling of trepidation I get before I embark on using psychoactive medicine”.

Over the next couple of days, the 6 of us spent time sharing our thoughts, making offerings and prayers to spirit and weaved a web between us that I know will always be there. Intentions were revealed, tears were shed, and laughter hugs, and smiles revealed the hearts and souls of my fellow Questers.

We were all very wide open.

Our individual quest was to take place in a spot that we located in the forest. It was not about the scenery. It was to resonate with our soul. This was a fun and difficult afternoon for all of us as we searched for the space, we would sit alone in the woods for 3 nights. As you may recall from my previous post, this was to be a spot where you sat in a 25 foot circle for the entire time.

This was not a bushwalk.

Sunlight hit off a rock while I got lost in the woods and I found my spot. This rock sat between two remarkable birch trees that were easily a hundred feet tall. It looked like a magical place to sit, pray, meditate and be one with nature. I was set. My rock between two trees as I called it.

The next morning after goodbyes and hugs we headed to our spots. Once the tent was set up the rain came, and it was to be a companion for the duration. Not constant, but always paying a visit.

My thought process before I got to this lovely place in the Berkshires was to stay awake as much as I could to experience nature and see what might be revealed. My body had other plans for me.

After 3 months of non-stop traveling and visiting I was tuckered out. Sleep beckoned and I found myself in my tent quite a bit just enjoying the peace and serenity of the woods. I did feel a bit frustrated like I was missing something by sleeping but after a bit I let my body and mind let go and I enjoyed the much-welcomed rest.

As I sat on my rock between two trees, I looked out at the scenery. There was a yearning to wander and look at things closer, but I stayed within my circle. Looking far, looking near. I inspected the earth, the rocks, and the roots of the tree growing around it and holding it close. The canopy held the rain and I never knew if it was rain or drops from the canopy when the wind picked up. It mattered little as I was one with the beauty of nature surrounding me.

I began to see some patterns as I sat and reclined on my rock. There were pairs of trees and they created doorways to beauty.  Doorways to the forest. Doorways to nature. They were all around me. My mind drifted and I thought about what it would be like to walk through all of them. Or just one.

But I was planted and with my mind, I wandered through many of them and had deep imagery of what I saw as I passed through each one. I got lost in this for some time.

More sleep.

Awaking during the night and there was some light slipping through the canopy from the moon and stars, but not much. I took up residence on my rock seat, between two trees, and offered some prayers and blessings to the night spirits. My mind drifted to all the people I had met in my life. I began a litany thanking and blessing all that came to mind.

This went on for some hours.

My tears mixed with the rain and the mud and the leaves and the rocks and the roots of the trees. We were all one. I felt like some sort of purge had taken place.

Tiredness overcame me and as I snuggled into my bag and closed my eyes there was a CRASH. A tree had fallen to the ground and I felt it and obviously heard it. It felt like a closure for the evening and I let Morpheus lead me away.

Day 2 was spent sitting between my two gorgeous birch trees and on my rock. I danced on the rock and sang songs that made me smile. I spoke to a squirrel that came bouncing by. As I had been moving my feet near the base of the rock, I had revealed some of the huge, sinewy, roots of the trees. They were like cables, strong and vital. I let my bare feet enjoy the feeling of the earth and the mud and the roots.

I slept some more.

Although I was fasting, hunger never entered my mind. Sleeping did seem to be important, and although it annoyed me to do so, I followed what my body told me to do.

I awoke and it was night-time and the forest was thick with mist. I could feel it on my face and my arms. Sitting on the rock in prayer the spirit of my mother came to me full of love and care. We talked about family and about her childhood and siblings. She talked about how her leaving her children and husband had changed all of our worlds. This was nothing new to me, but it felt truly peaceful.

There were other enlightening moments with her that showed light on her life with her siblings and gave me a true sense of the love that this woman shared and brought to the world. More tears, not of sorrow, but of understanding and love.

Love was all over the woods this evening. My lover Tina came to visit. I was filled with thanks and gratitude, and we communed under the canopy. Thanking her for her unconditional love and understanding and beauty that she had brought into my life. I felt totally overwhelmed and blessed to be visited by these women. There is no hierarchy of love.

The next morning, I sat and chatted and watched intently the Eastern Newts. Beautiful orange salamanders. They begin life as fully aquatic creatures with visible gills, then enter a terrestrial bright orange stage called a “Red Eft” (they were at the orange stage this day!) and they finally return to the water as a yellow and green adult. Damn glad I got to meet them.

I felt rested within my body, but my heart and soul were worn and overflowing. I sat on my rock between two trees looking out at the doorways that I had wanted to pass through or visit. But of course, I had stayed within my circle. As I walked back to the rock, I had a realisation.

My spot where I had been sitting and standing and reclining and dancing for a few days was just not a rock between two trees. This was MY doorway. The rock was my launching pad to go through this doorway of two giant birch trees. I was not simply going to walk through but I jumped through it excitedly. I was filled with laughter and astonished by the simplicity of this vision.

I know this was a long story and thanks for sticking with me.

The web that was woven between me and my fellow VQ’s is strong and will remain for life. Their stories are not for me to share. Simply, everyone who participated walked away feeling transformed in some way. Words somehow, do not do it justice.

I miss them and it has only been 2 months since we were all together and soon, we will gather on a Zoom chat to connect once again.

I cannot thank Sky enough for his guidance and support back at our base camp. Much love.

Briefly, this experience taught me a few things. Practically, I felt as if I learned how to pray and to be at one with nature. This was not totally new, but it opened a doorway to my soul that gave me great comfort and strength.

What was key and the term I keep using is that I left the forest with no fear within myself. This feeling of flow and being able to manifest what you need and desire in your life is something I am still integrating.

It is not something I take for granted. I am blessed and filled with gratitude. We all decided as we shared our stories that gratitude was not a BIG enough word.

The Vision Quest is never over.

This storm below (see pic) came on the last night. We thought we were going to get slammed. We were in Otis and the cell just went around us.

We certainly had some sort of power emanating from our spots in the woods.

When I got back to civilisation, an hour from our Quest, people asked me how we dealt with the storm. We dealt with it in the best way possible. We kept it away.

Any questions? Feel free to send me any!