There is a time and a place for every story.
Circumstances make this the time for this one. Maybe you or someone you love can learn from this.
Present: Last night, the mother of 2 beautiful young women, a widower, and a friend departed for a place where she would feel no pain. People gathered and put their past and conflicts behind them to send her off with love and care. Jen, fare thee well, and we all send you love as you make this journey. I wish I had been there to hold your hand for a bit.
As I have first-hand knowledge of becoming an ‘orphan’ at 25 years old, my thoughts and care are for the children. Even though I may never be called to assist, I want them to know that I am here to understand their loss. Maybe I can share some thoughts if they ever need them.
Past: Dashville Skyline 2022-This was the first festival a number of us had attended since the pandemic. Dashville has always been my happy place. This was not to be the case this time around.
My brother wanted some molly. I advised him (many weeks before) that if it could be procured, he would have it. This didn’t happen; there was little to go around, and it wasn’t my decision who got the magic, as it was not mine.
Friday night at Dashville saw my brother on the ground, unable to get up due to his neuropathy and alcohol. My friends and I helped him up and looked after him. This was not a new development as my brother had been falling when inebriated for some time now. Granted, it was mixing alcohol and weed with his medication that did not help either.
Meanwhile, Saturday came; my sister-in -law had hurt her back so she split and now Jay was on his own when it came to camping. Dashville is a small festival so he was with us all day but something changed when he heard me say to someone, “Oh, is it time to split up the loaves and fishes?” I wandered off with my other friends and the little bits of magic were distributed.
Sunday morning came and I found Jay sitting in the festival grounds reading. When I approached him and asked how he was he yelled at me, “I am not talking to you!”
His face was turning purple. I asked him over and over again what was wrong. He kept saying his new mantra: “I am not talking to you.”
“Well, not talking is not going to get us anywhere. Is it because you did not get the ‘magic’ last night”?
“Well, we could start there”, he said. He walked away and would not talk.
Could we start there? No, we started nowhere because he refused to enter into a conversation.
As he stepped away, he said, “And yeah, I am not giving you and Nello a ride home!”
Wha? The lack of transport was not the issue. I was still digesting the sentence, “we could start there”.
I was flabbergasted and to this day he has never told me why he reacted the way he did. I sent him an email and he called me a liar. There was not one untruth in any of my words.
I tried to call him several times after the festival, but he told me to fuck off.
Now, the only thing I can think of is that maybe he did not get enough of my brotherly attention and/or he was pissed off about the drugs. I will probably never find out.
Bottom line, he said we were done, and he was happy about it.
For me, I have never stopped loving him and never will.
Present: Tomorrow is the 9th of September, 2026. This same brother of mine has to have Open Heart Surgery to have 2 valves replaced. I offered to go to Canberra to assist my sister-in-law and to be there for support. This got knocked back because she was concerned that he would find out and be pissed off.
I am concerned that he is 77 years old and very worried that this operation is going to be very rough for him. I had no expectations of seeing him, but I wanted to support the rest of the family. You know that blood thickness thing?
Past: During COVID, my brother visited me in Great Western, a small town amongst the vineyards. He spent a good week with me, and we mostly had a good time. I did get pissed off at him once when he was jokingly going to toss my phone to me and I said, “Please no, please.”
He got closer and closer and threatened to toss it to me. I repeated my plea. He got closer and tossed it and I missed it and it cracked the screen. I went outside to let off some steam.
Later that night we were talking. I was dreaming of making a trip to America to see people that I loved and cared for, family and friends. He said, “Why would you do that?”
“Because if I don’t do it, when will I get a chance to tell these people how I feel?”
We talked some more, and he said something that left me cold.
“You know, we are different when it comes to family. You think blood is thicker than water.”
“Yes, that is my belief and will always be the way I roll”, I said. I fought back some anger and the lump in my throat, not understanding his stance. Still a bit pissed off he threw my phone, but hey, that’s a Busch manoeuvre.
Of course, if you are a linguist, you may know the original meaning of the quote, but this is not what he meant.
Present: That brings us to today. Besides my kids, I have very little family in Australia. There is my brother’s family and mine; that is it.
And I am bleeding real blood, because I wish I could be there to support the people I love.
Being told the patriarch of that family would not want me there is quite sad. His word has to rule what others think and do when I could easily lend some support with love and care. But I should have known that would be the decision. Since the Incident At Dashville, there are no longer family gatherings that I am invited to if he is in attendance.
I have gone through all of our texts and messages before Dashville 2022 and all was fine. Silence will never solve this. Silence never solves much.
Tomorrow, as my brother experiences the joys of Open Heart Surgery, I will commune with nature and pray to spirit for his well-being. I hope the operation is successful and that this will get him back up and around again. Even if we never cross paths again, I wish him the best. Always.
Houston….We Have A Problem….9-9-2026
Surgery has been postponed….due to illness. Pauline, my sister-in-law, came down with something in the last few days.
It appears my brother has it, too. No surgery tonight, no sugar tonight in my coffee.
Guess I knew something when I named the playlist…..weird.
Oh, Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds
and whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden
in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me always ready to come to you
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit will come to you
without shame.
american indian - lakota - chief yellow lark - 1887
https://open.qobuz.com/playlist/69819577 QOBUZ Playlist