Anticipation
Blended with cray cray excitement
Concerts come and go and “live music is better”-bumper stickers will be issued. There are degrees of pre-show excitement that can vary greatly depending on many factors. Do you love rainy Wednesdays? We have one here today and the cleaners are buzzing around the house and another day is slipping away.
My brain flitting around so let me bring it back into focus. The excitement is all about the experience of the Tedeschi Trucks Band we are about to have this evening. I am counting and it is 6 hours and 30 minutes until they hit the stage. That feeling you got when you were a kid, and you were taken to your favourite park or amusement facility or just a drive in the car along the ocean. Pure excitement for the sake of being excited. You know you love this stuff and you CANNOT WAIT.
Having seen them 4x in the USA in 2022 I know what I am going to get but who knows what setlist they will serve up. Pity The Fool is the only one I really would love to hear just so Susan can scream! But really, Tina and I love this outfit and it brings us both a barrel full of joy.
Sometimes I feel like that about clams, fried or raw, it does not matter. We will be along the shore in St. Kilda tonight as the band takes the stage at 8 PM for what will be over two hours of just mind-warping pleasure. You all know how much I dig this band, this couple, and their ability to keep a large circus like this on the road for this long. I tip my hat in appreciation and thanks.
And if you have not seen the Tiny Desk Concert below…..watch it and tell me how good are they?
Just so you know all these concerts is not messing with my health and my heart. I feel good and have no symptoms. It is now 5 weeks until the surgery. So, here we go….#3
Heart Chronicles # 3
Inside my heart beats
Electrical impulse sparks the life-pumping muscle
Chamber and valves and vessels and arteries
It’s a turnpike, my human highway, that just runs along
Plumbing of life oozing red
Love and emotion and strength
Strong and weak happy and sad
Beat-Beat-Beat----
3 months have passed since the severity of the calcification of my aortic valve was discovered. 5 weeks until they remove that calcified bit of tissue and replace it with some pork.
A brief introduction to the valve follows.
Aortic valve: This valve has three leaflets. They open to let blood flow from your heart’s left ventricle to the aorta. The aorta is the largest blood vessel in your body. It brings oxygenated blood from your heart to the rest of your body. The aortic valve prevents backward flow from the aorta into the left ventricle.
Class dismissed.
Things have shifted away from fear and towards awareness and living back in the moment. My mind had shifted to worrying about the date of the surgery and the recovery and I was sitting in a space of the worst anxiety I have ever felt. Some of it was about mortality and the loss of living this amazing life and some of it was about the possible pain and some of it was about the level of care I would have to surrender to others.
Yes, for a little while, I will have to rely on others and be a little less self-sufficient. Physically I have let go of that.
Psychologically, I had a little bit of work to do.
I reached out to some people I love and the advice I was given, the words released from their hearts, gave me strength.
As my brother, my Otter in Vermont wrote to me:
“Shake like a leaf buddy. It’s OK. Enjoy the energy. If you feel too contracted let it be and then write lists of everything you can think of, of the things you appreciate and the people you LOVE. Forgive everyone. I love you.
Distract with music you love. Go to the beach. Keep focusing on now. Life is NOW. Also, laugh a lot.”
Some beautiful words from near and afar and a miracle Shiatsu put me back on track. If you need a Shiatsu in Melbourne reach out to me for a referral!
Before I got the spiritual clearance to feel and be alive again, I had made up a list of questions for my medical team and emailed them so I could get some answers. It was like 20 questions of my anxiety around things that seemed bigger than what they were. Things like bedding, medications I MIGHT be on, plates or wires in my sternum, just little things like that.
My surgeon called me last week and took the time to go through all my questions. My cardiac doctor called me today to set up an appointment to do the same, but I told them I was all good.
My surgeon had mentioned he was going to America the first time I met him. As we were closing off the phone conversation I asked him when he would be back.
“Oh. I’ll be back about 5 days before your surgery so I SHOULD be over my jet lag,” he laughed. I did. I think I did.
