You never know what will be coming down. You feel it like the rumble of thunder in the hills or that damn train blowing its horn coming around the mountain. You sense it before you see it.
I could feel it like a vibration. Like the dream I had last night about being in an earthquake.
Bad news was approaching my doorstep. 2017 found me turning 60, and a planned trip to the USA was on for a party and a chance to see relatives. My wife had almost given up on the journey, and I said, “You are not going to spend my 60th with me?”
This was a sign of what was brewing under my roof. Thinking of missing a milestone birthday of your significant other at his birth home in New York got under my skin. After discussion, tears, and whatever, we locked it in, and 2 of our kids were joining us. Something felt amiss, but we traveled to Arizona to see my partner’s dad; New York for a wedding, my birthay party and Tom Petty, Joshua Tree, LA and homeward bound
New York turned out to be the last time I saw Petty and the last time I saw my friend, Tony, of 50 years. We also dropped my daughter off in California, where she ended up living for the next 5 years. Ch-ch-changes….
In the middle of 2018, my wife and I took a trip to Vietnam, where we seemed as close as you do to something when you look through binoculars the wrong way. Going overseas without kids was a rarity for us, and my thoughts going in were that we could reassess our love or find it again.
At times, I felt like we were North and South Vietnam during the American War. There were border incursions and land mines within our conversations. I love the smell of angst in the morning. Our health was up/down with colds and stomach stuff so we were hit and miss with our moods. But there was more going on.
My son Zac was to be wed in October of that same year, and my gut was telling me that the finish line to our marriage was going to be soon after that date. Looking back over my journal ….the signs were written in letters there.
The wedding took place in October, and by the 19th of November, that train had rumbled through the station and over my heart and soul. It was not a happy moment when we met in Woolloomooloo. One of us cried. I was broken, and I had to surrender. We had been down this path before. My tear ducts were empty.
There was much to transpire over the upcoming holiday season, and the first part of that would be our last Christmas with the kids together. I truly miss having the kids together for the holidays. Now that all 6 of them are past 21, it’s harder to make those things happen. You may know this fact, but by the time your child is 20 years old, 90% of your time with that child will be over.
As the parent, the elder, it is my job to make it happen when I can. I wish we could coexist and come together like a jigsaw puzzle, letting the past be what it is—new partners, old memories. Life’s too short.
Enjoy them as much as you can.
Once the 2018 Christmas was over, I was lucky enough to have all of my siblings together in Australia. This was a fabulous distraction as we tiptoed through the hot coals at our home in Lilyfield. I’d find love and community with my family. Later, I would find myself back at our house, sleeping in one of the spare bedrooms or the other. There was a murmur in my heart, and my head was spinning.
You could cut the tension with a chainsaw. Our last bit of savings had just been spent on tuition and a backyard renovation that would soon be torn to bits by a new puppy, and it was obvious that I wouldn’t be enjoying any of it.
As of December 2018, I hoped we could cohabitate under the same roof until we worked out the finances and other details. I also thought it would save me some money. We had already been together for 16 years.
My thought process was that our past love and family ties could get us through this phase.
I was hopeful.
I was wrong.
There was another person in my wife’s orbit as I was spinning off to another galaxy.
This email, which I sent out to friends and family, summed up what was happening with me:
Hi Friends
I want to keep this brief. As you may/may not know, Julie and I are actually splitting up this time around.
As we go through this adjustment period, I am trying to minimise financial and stressful impact on all of us, so my plan is to ask if anyone can spare a bed/room for weeks at a time for a little while. I know this is a big ask of anyone, so don’t feel any pressure as if I cannot make this work I will go for other options. And please don’t feel obligated to even enter into discussion about all this or apologise for not being able to help.
Folks, I understand….
My plan is to get out of the house as soon as manageable, find a place to stay for a bit, and at the same time I have been working at lining up house sitting gigs until Julie and I figure out our steps forward.
So if you know of someone who has a spare room that this might work let me know....just for times when house sitting is not on....but I don’t want to overstay a welcome...and happy to contribute in anyway!
Also, if you hear of anyone looking for a house sitter around the Sydney region, feel free to share my details with them. I have been working on that for a couple of weeks now and some dates are becoming hopeful down the track.
Happy to chat, so give me a call
I thought it would be best to reach out to my friends individually.
If none of this works out then I will be looking at other options…one step at a time.
Lots of love…thanks for thinking around this for a moment, and most of all no pressure at all.
Xx-Me
That’s how I arrived here and began my journey to minimalism.
This is the story of how I inadvertently became an expert and sought-after house sitter.
Part 2-How To House Sit….because there is plenty ahead.